i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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