dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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