I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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