I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
