Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
