It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
