On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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