Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize