Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
