im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
