she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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