True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
