return my video game
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
