K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
