I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
