I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
