so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
