billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
