I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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