doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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