he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
