You can't special order awesome
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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