He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
