Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We are two peas in an std pod
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
