i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
