I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
