I want to have your abortion
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
