I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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