Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A+ Viking dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
