I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i need some magic done to my vagina
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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