Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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