There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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