well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
