the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
