youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
