dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
