My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
