Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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