I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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