my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
