drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
