he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
