I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
