so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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