when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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