HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
