I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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