Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm really busy with my period
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