They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
