onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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