I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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