when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
