i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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