The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
