She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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