Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
