Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
