Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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