So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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