people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
