i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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