Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
