There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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