i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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