I smell stomach acid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize