so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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