I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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