And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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