Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
