I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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