he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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