swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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