And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
