I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Randomize
