is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
