a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
