at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
