Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize