We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
