literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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