He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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