shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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