Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
