I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
