Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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