Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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