he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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