Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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