are you so shy because you have an std?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
