youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
