...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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