Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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