Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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