I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
