I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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