Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Congratulations! We have a period
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