i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We are two peas in an std pod
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize