seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
