Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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