and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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