Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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