It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was a blind-side dick pic.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
