coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
