whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
