he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
