We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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