was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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