I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
